“Papaaa!!” Six year old Alka squealed with happiness.
She was seeing her father after 4 months. She ran towards the
door with her tiny anklets clinking in harmony, her arms held wide open, she
leapt on to her father’s arms. She planted a kiss on his cheek and let her tiny
fingers run against the day old stubble on his gaunt jaw.
She playfully struck him on his cheeks with her little hands “Where
were you Papa?? You weren’t even here for my birthday!”
“Papa is sorry…Alka, Papa works for the country, and Papa had
to fight some bad men who were a danger to our country.” said her father in a tone
half proud of his endeavors and half remorseful.
She fiddled with the stars on his shoulder flap and asked
inquisitively – “Is that why you have stars on your shoulder, Papa? Did they
pluck these off the sky and give it to you?”
Her father let out a smile, a gratifying smile, similar to
the one he had when she first uttered the words “Pa-Pa”; a smile – when she
peacefully slept in her arms every night he was home.
“Yes, sweetheart. Anyone who works for the country is given a
star.” He said with a hint of smugness in his voice.
“I want stars too. When I grow up, I too will work for the
country.”
He kissed her on the forehead and asked “What did Mumma get
you for your birthday?”
She got down immediately and dragged him inside, her little
fingers clasping his index finger and pulling through. She took him to the
balcony and showed him a cage with two very colorful parakeets. They were
drinking water off the tiny tumbler they had inside the cage.
“I thought you wanted a puppy for your birthday.” He asked.
“Yes, Papa, but puppies don’t fly in the sky. Don’t you know
that birds fly in the day and become stars in the night when they go to sleep?” Her father pulled her cheeks and let out a hearty laugh.
“When I grow up and work for the country, these two shall
become the stars on my shoulder– just like yours.”
“Alka, if you keep them in a cage, how would they fly? The
sky is their home. They would never become stars if you don’t let them fly.
Would you like it if Mumma locks you inside a room and wouldn’t let you go
anywhere?” He made sure that his tone was not being authoritative.
Alka wondered for a while. She felt bad for the birds, her
eyes started to well up, her face sulked.
“Papa! The birds would hate me. No matter how much I love
them; they would never become my stars. We should set them free...” she said
half sobbing.
Her father gave her a warm hug and wiped her tears off.
**_______**
He grabbed his toothbrush from the stand to begin another
mundane day. The two toothbrushes on the stand stood facing against each other;
even the toothbrushes seem to hate each other. He heard her footsteps from
behind, coming into the bathroom; he caught a glimpse of her through the
mirror. Their eyes met for a fleeting second. It was different; the warmth was
no longer there. It seemed like he was staring into an abyss. She undressed to
get into the shower. What used to be one swift, unhesitant motion of undressing
is now cautious and flinching. He stared at her naked body and it took him back
to the time the first time they made love, the passionate union of two people
in love. It was different from the times he had sex with others. It was unadulterated,
devoid of any lust or any other materialistic pleasure.
Their intimate memories should ideally have been offensive to
him; she was sleeping with someone else now. But, he felt a strange kind of
pride, that of, owning her body and knowing the intricate details of it. Nobody
can take that away from him. He did not feel regret, or hope, just pride.
“So have you decided yet on the divorce? Let’s not make this
a showdown of egos, please.” Her voice half muffled by the noise of the running
shower.
“No, I won’t. I always have respected your opinions and
decisions and this one too shall not be any different. But, don’t you think we
are giving it away too easy. Can’t we give it another shot?”
“I don’t think I have the patience for that. Have you told
your parents yet? I don’t know if I could face them after this.”
“No, I will tell them when it’s the right time. Your mum
called me yesterday and she wanted us to go to a counselor if it would help. I
did try explaining her that a counselor wouldn’t help. You have a word with her
too.”
“Hmm...I shall. Are you doing all right?” She asked with a
genuine concern and admiration towards her soon to be ex-husband’s ability to
be fair. It’s times like these that raise pangs of self-doubt. She can’t boast
of an incredible history of making accurate choices, but she always made sure she
did what she felt, even if it would hurt people close to her. This was a huge
decision for her to make – choosing between a man she was married to, who she has
immense respect for, and a passionate, expressive and impulsive man who filled
a void in her and made her feel happy, a happiness which her husband could
never provide.
“Can we go to the sunset point…one last time?” He asked her,
taking her by surprise. He didn’t want to answer her question. This was where
they met after college, almost every day. This was the place where he first
kissed her, where he first saw love in her eyes.
“Yeah…sure…why not!” The request clearly taking her by
surprise, but she couldn’t avoid it. It’s the least she could do.
**_______**
The bright, fiery orange threads of light dispersed across
the dreamy purple sky. The sun was about to set. The street lights on the
highway below were trying hard to replace the sunlight, although, like the
sunlight; some things can never be replaced. He held her hand and gazed at the
setting sun.
He saw a man approaching towards them; he was helping his
daughter climb up the flat peak of the plateau and he had a cage along with
him. The little one was visibly disappointed with a frowning face. Once on top,
her father held her hand and unlocked the cage, the two birds, at first
reluctant, didn’t want to come out. They seemed pretty used to the cage. The
father had to coax them out of the cage. The birds flapped their wings and
after a moment realized that it’s their ticket to freedom. They spread their colorful
wings, frantically chirping, reveling in the new found independence, soared
towards the infiniteness of the sky. The little one was beaming with a smile;
her frown seemed to magically disappear. She pointed towards the soaring birds
and hugged her father.
He shall never forget the mental image of the little one’s
content smile. It was at that moment that he realized; he let out a sheepish smirk
and his eyes welled up. He turned towards her and kissed her forehead, while holding
her head with his hands.
“I have to let you go. I want you to be happy.”
**_______**
