Fly Like a Bird..

“Papaaa!!” Six year old Alka squealed with happiness.

She was seeing her father after 4 months. She ran towards the door with her tiny anklets clinking in harmony, her arms held wide open, she leapt on to her father’s arms. She planted a kiss on his cheek and let her tiny fingers run against the day old stubble on his gaunt jaw.

She playfully struck him on his cheeks with her little hands “Where were you Papa?? You weren’t even here for my birthday!”

“Papa is sorry…Alka, Papa works for the country, and Papa had to fight some bad men who were a danger to our country.” said her father in a tone half proud of his endeavors and half remorseful.

She fiddled with the stars on his shoulder flap and asked inquisitively – “Is that why you have stars on your shoulder, Papa? Did they pluck these off the sky and give it to you?”

Her father let out a smile, a gratifying smile, similar to the one he had when she first uttered the words “Pa-Pa”; a smile – when she peacefully slept in her arms every night he was home.

“Yes, sweetheart. Anyone who works for the country is given a star.” He said with a hint of smugness in his voice.

“I want stars too. When I grow up, I too will work for the country.”

He kissed her on the forehead and asked “What did Mumma get you for your birthday?”

She got down immediately and dragged him inside, her little fingers clasping his index finger and pulling through. She took him to the balcony and showed him a cage with two very colorful parakeets. They were drinking water off the tiny tumbler they had inside the cage.

“I thought you wanted a puppy for your birthday.” He asked.

“Yes, Papa, but puppies don’t fly in the sky. Don’t you know that birds fly in the day and become stars in the night when they go to sleep?” Her father pulled her cheeks and let out a hearty laugh.

“When I grow up and work for the country, these two shall become the stars on my shoulder– just like yours.”

“Alka, if you keep them in a cage, how would they fly? The sky is their home. They would never become stars if you don’t let them fly. Would you like it if Mumma locks you inside a room and wouldn’t let you go anywhere?” He made sure that his tone was not being authoritative.

Alka wondered for a while. She felt bad for the birds, her eyes started to well up, her face sulked.

“Papa! The birds would hate me. No matter how much I love them; they would never become my stars. We should set them free...” she said half sobbing.

Her father gave her a warm hug and wiped her tears off.

**_______**

He grabbed his toothbrush from the stand to begin another mundane day. The two toothbrushes on the stand stood facing against each other; even the toothbrushes seem to hate each other. He heard her footsteps from behind, coming into the bathroom; he caught a glimpse of her through the mirror. Their eyes met for a fleeting second. It was different; the warmth was no longer there. It seemed like he was staring into an abyss. She undressed to get into the shower. What used to be one swift, unhesitant motion of undressing is now cautious and flinching. He stared at her naked body and it took him back to the time the first time they made love, the passionate union of two people in love. It was different from the times he had sex with others. It was unadulterated, devoid of any lust or any other materialistic pleasure.

Their intimate memories should ideally have been offensive to him; she was sleeping with someone else now. But, he felt a strange kind of pride, that of, owning her body and knowing the intricate details of it. Nobody can take that away from him. He did not feel regret, or hope, just pride.

“So have you decided yet on the divorce? Let’s not make this a showdown of egos, please.” Her voice half muffled by the noise of the running shower.

“No, I won’t. I always have respected your opinions and decisions and this one too shall not be any different. But, don’t you think we are giving it away too easy. Can’t we give it another shot?”

“I don’t think I have the patience for that. Have you told your parents yet? I don’t know if I could face them after this.”

“No, I will tell them when it’s the right time. Your mum called me yesterday and she wanted us to go to a counselor if it would help. I did try explaining her that a counselor wouldn’t help. You have a word with her too.”

“Hmm...I shall. Are you doing all right?” She asked with a genuine concern and admiration towards her soon to be ex-husband’s ability to be fair. It’s times like these that raise pangs of self-doubt. She can’t boast of an incredible history of making accurate choices, but she always made sure she did what she felt, even if it would hurt people close to her. This was a huge decision for her to make – choosing between a man she was married to, who she has immense respect for, and a passionate, expressive and impulsive man who filled a void in her and made her feel happy, a happiness which her husband could never provide.

“Can we go to the sunset point…one last time?” He asked her, taking her by surprise. He didn’t want to answer her question. This was where they met after college, almost every day. This was the place where he first kissed her, where he first saw love in her eyes.

“Yeah…sure…why not!” The request clearly taking her by surprise, but she couldn’t avoid it. It’s the least she could do.

**_______**

The bright, fiery orange threads of light dispersed across the dreamy purple sky. The sun was about to set. The street lights on the highway below were trying hard to replace the sunlight, although, like the sunlight; some things can never be replaced. He held her hand and gazed at the setting sun.

He saw a man approaching towards them; he was helping his daughter climb up the flat peak of the plateau and he had a cage along with him. The little one was visibly disappointed with a frowning face. Once on top, her father held her hand and unlocked the cage, the two birds, at first reluctant, didn’t want to come out. They seemed pretty used to the cage. The father had to coax them out of the cage. The birds flapped their wings and after a moment realized that it’s their ticket to freedom. They spread their colorful wings, frantically chirping, reveling in the new found independence, soared towards the infiniteness of the sky. The little one was beaming with a smile; her frown seemed to magically disappear. She pointed towards the soaring birds and hugged her father.

He shall never forget the mental image of the little one’s content smile. It was at that moment that he realized; he let out a sheepish smirk and his eyes welled up. He turned towards her and kissed her forehead, while holding her head with his hands.

“I have to let you go. I want you to be happy.”

**_______**

Bootstrapped - III

06/02/2036  

   

"Time is like a river, at some places it's soothingly slow and at the other places it flows disturbingly rapid" - Albert Einstein

She wrote with the black marker on the white board in bold letters.

“Class…Today, let’s discuss about something which we more often than not, take for granted – TIME” she announced to the class in a confident and affirmative tone.

She always felt good about this little break she took from the hectic schedule of the The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) project at CERN. The LHC which first started out as an experimental device designed to answer some of the key questions on how our universe came into existence, slowly after a while,  turned into something so mystic and enlightening. It was by accident, in one of her experiments that she found that due to the rapid speeds the particles in the apparatus achieved they started losing time making them travel back in time. This was her ticket into the history books, a befitting reply to all those snooty scientists who thought she was ineffectual as a member of the fairer sex.

The topic in the class soon veered into time travel. She tried to suppress her emphatic grin; little did this bunch of kids know what she was onto. They will be soon known as the lucky students who were taught by her. One inquisitive student asked her about the concept of time loop. She started walking towards the speakers with the MIC she was talking on. Soon, the room was filled with a jarring screechy noise.

“Can anyone tell me, why this happens?” she asked, a pretty simple question for a physics post grad class she thought.

To her surprise only a few hands rose. She loathed at the condition of education in this state and picked a student to go ahead.

“Mam, a microphone takes in the sound waves and converts them into electrical energy and then the amplified signal is sent to the speaker, which converts it back to sound waves and is released.”

“That’s absolutely right, and then?” she said in an assuring tone.

“As you walk towards the speaker, the sound waves your voice is producing is fed into the microphone and comes out of the speaker amplified. Now, due to the close proximity of the MIC to the speaker, the MIC is catching the same amplified signal again as its input and feeds it back to the speaker, this results in a continuous loop of the output being again fed as the input and thereby creating lot’s of random energy which is released as a squealing noise.”

“Great! I couldn’t have explained it better.” she said while feeling pity for the bright student; he was at the wrong place.

“This is exactly what happens in a time loop too. Two entities, which have diverse sets of roles to perform at varying times, if unnaturally altered to perform the same function at the same time. A time loop is formed.”

“By 'unnaturally' you mean, let's say...a time traveler who travels back into the past and hence being where he was never meant to be?” asked the bright student.

“Yes. You are right. The causes always happen before the effects and never the other way around. This is a very basic law of nature. So, going back in time and trying to negate the effect before the cause unnaturally will just put you in a paradoxical situation…The Bootstrap Paradox.”

**

As she sat in the taxi and observed the backdrops, she saw firsthand that the condition of the state was in doldrums. Poverty and corruption were spread everywhere, unemployment was rampant. The rich became richer and the poor became poorer. There was a shortage of food supplies, the water resources were scant. All in all, there was nothing going right for the state. At the helm of the apathetic administration is the 'father of the state' himself. His greed for power, money made him misuse the trust that the people of the state had entrusted him with. She wished if she could do something to rescue her motherland from all the misery. That’s when a streak of enlightenment struck her.

**

5 years later - Year 2041:

She strapped on the safety belt in her indigenously built time machine onto the man she chose as her guinea pig. She found him outside the Paradise Restaurant running erratically and dazed during one of her customary visits to the restaurant. When she enquired further, she got to know he was a once famed Hitman whose family members have abandoned him and left. His lack of family history and his innate skills made him the perfect choice for this mission. He was just given one brief – Kill the person responsible behind all this apathy before he becomes powerful, before he’s entrusted with the responsibility of the new state.

Little did she know, one sunny afternoon 22 years back, he was ordered to kill the same man.

Bootstrapped - II

He doesn’t remember the last time he genuinely closed his eyes and prayed to god. The smell of incense sticks and the continuous ringing of the temple bell in his in-house temple always made him a little woozy, but he didn’t mind it today. It's the least he could do in return to the almighty that helped him turn the tide in his favor. Sticking to the morning protocol, his wife’s wrinkled, frail hands put the vermilion mark or the teeka on his forehead. The vermillion was part of his distinctive look; it added to the whole aura of a warrior fighting for a cause. The cause, he had been passionately fighting over the last 10 years - A separate state for his fellow men. Today is an important day; the rally he’s hosting today might well be the epic climax of the revolution he had started. He will get to live his dream finally – that of becoming the most powerful person in the state.

 

Little did he know, someone was meticulously planning towards a different climax - one which involved a sniper taking orders from a Hitman who rarely missed.

 

***

 

He couldn't believe what he saw on the other side of the road. A man, who looked his identical twin – nose, hair, eyes, everything looked the same except for the clothes. He was wearing really outlandish clothes, which looked like it was made of really cheap, flashy leather. 

 

If this is some kind of a practical joke, he surely chose the wrong time. 

 

He saw that the person other end too was equally mesmerized by the sight he saw on the other end. It seemed so surreal, the notion that he had been in the same situation before hit him. This was just the beginning; the rest of the evening was just about to get worse.

 

He followed him for a good kilometer now; they crossed the MG Road and sprinted towards the Ranigunj Signal jostling through the crowd. His stamina was giving away, his lungs running on the reserves made him stop to gather his breath. He was just starting to regret for giving his double a considerable lead, he looked up to keep a tab and his surprise knew no bounds. To his astonishment, his double too stooped in the exact position to catch his breath. A rush of adrenaline gave him the vigor to sprint so that he can get to the root of this bizarre happening. He took his first vigorous step; the double too started sprinting at the same time. 

 

That's it - enough was enough. How’s he doing it?

 

He frantically called for the nearest auto and asked him to follow the guy ahead.

 "Which guy? The one who got into the auto right now?" The auto driver inquired. 

He stared blankly ahead. It was too paranormal for his logical mind to handle. 

"Follow the auto then!" He yelled.

 

An actor? A mirage? An identical twin that he never knew of? Insanity?

His mind worked out a rational explanation to the events unfolding. By now, they traversed the whole of Hussain Sagar, crossed the necklace road and took the right from James Street, back to Ranigunj. He quickly jotted down the auto’s license number in his hands just in case if he had to make further inquiries. He looked up to keep a tab on the auto amongst the bustling swamp of traffic ahead of him. To his utter dismay, he couldn't find it.

It was gone. No, No, No!!  This can’t be happening!

He quickly got off the auto, walked towards the signal and searched through the disarrayed early evening traffic in the busy Ranigunj road. He saw a distant speck of the yellow colored vehicle speeding through the road to his left, which utterly baffled him.

"Why the hell is he going back to Paradise Restaurant? "

 With a seething rage, he got back into the auto and tried catching up, but to no avail. They completely lost track of them. He reached back to the Paradise restaurant, where it all started. Various thoughts struck him like an avalanche.

Why was he here? He had a job to finish, what was it?

He knew he was forgetting something. His chain of thoughts was broken by the auto driver asking him to pay up. He paid up and noticed the numbers written on his hand while reaching for his wallet. As the auto started leaving, out of curiosity he studied the license plate.

No way!! That's just impossible

He was astounded to see the exact alphanumeric combination written on his hands being etched on the auto. This hit the final nail, he was dumbstruck. He could feel the throbbing pulse on his temples. His sweaty palms forced his wallet into his pocket, and it slipped. He bent to pick it up, and that's when he saw a person on the other side of the road coming out of the restaurant.

Oh god! Not again!

A prominent thought hit him like a bolt of thunder. He half smirked to himself; all this made sense now.

He was stuck in a time loop. 

Bootstrapped - I

He couldn’t make sense of whatever was happening. It was the most bizarre afternoon of his life until now. His mind was hazy, he couldn’t seem to stitch the afternoon’s proceedings into one single logical and plausible piece. Everything was so surreal. He was battling the feeling of déjà vu that has been hitting him all afternoon. He was back to the place where it all started is the only thing he remembered.  Completely lost in his thoughts, he dropped his wallet while keeping it back in his pocket. While he bent to pick it up, he caught someone watching him on the other side of the road. He just couldn’t believe what he saw and then..

Their eyes met....

                                                         *****

The heavenly smell of the Biriyani as he approached Paradise restaurant took him to a trip down memory lane. He quite literally grew up with this place; he has seen it when it was a small two storied building back when he was a kid, to what it has become now – a fancy four storied eatery with each floor catering to the various strata’s of society. He knew where his place was – the ground floor cafe. He grabbed a seat besides an old man having his Irani Chai and Osmania biscuits and ordered a plate of his favorite mutton Biriyani. He had always thought of it, if ever he had an option of choosing his last meal, it would be the mutton Biriyani from Paradise.

It was a month back that he got this job. This hit was huge. He usually never does high profile killings. He always knew it would do a world of good to his reputation as a Hitman, but the perils associated with a high profile hit was just not worth it. He will have to be underground for at least 6 months, get a new identity in a new suburb, start a new lease of life all over. Although, the money is too good, but he detested being away from his kids and wife for long stretches. But not this time, he couldn’t keep the secret about his profession with her any longer, and she left with the kids to his in-laws. He tried hard to woo her back, but she was adamant about not raising her two kids with a Hitman as their father, but that didn’t mean he had no responsibilities. A man always provides for his family. He does it even if he’s not accepted or appreciated. He had to make sure he secured their future.

He was offered 4 crores for the job; his 100% hit rate coupled with the fact that it was a high profile killing gave him an upper hand in the negotiation. He didn’t know who ordered the hit, but he was pretty sure his handler got a huge cut as well. If anything happened to him he ordered his handler to make sure his children and wife got all the money. His Biriyani arrived, he quickly dug into the succulent pieces of meat which were buried under the aromatic, spice infused layer of long grained Basmati rice. When eaten together, it released a range of flavours that was impossible for any taste buds of the existing human race to detest. He relished his last meal. His last meal surely wouldn’t make for a renowned painting; the pathos associated would be similar.

As he got out, he wondered how the nation and particularly the state would be in shock tomorrow if he succeeds today. He never liked the attention on himself, but this was inevitable. He just hoped, he wasn’t around to enjoy the attention. He let out a gratifying burp, and just as he was scouting for an auto to ferry him to the venue where pretty soon history shall be created, he saw something bizarre; a man, a look-alike with exact physical features like him bending down to pick up something and then..

Their eyes met...

(To be continued..)

Possibility...

The first shot hit his mother, before he could react and come down the stairs, the second shot fired. This one took his sister from a point blank range. He couldn’t decide whom he should tend to first. He came running towards them and that was when the third shot fired. The bullet grazed past through his neck and took a mound of flesh with it. It was a shot which would haunt him for the rest of his life. It was a shot he wished, had hit its target. 

He wasn’t trained to handle this situation, he was blank. It was then that one of his friends who came to celebrate his 20th birthday shouted to call an ambulance. He took his mother on his lap, she was conscious and was trying to tell him something, but she just couldnt. One half of his wanted to rush to his father, snatch his gun and shoot him, but he had to rescue his mother and sister first. How he wished the shot hadn't missed.

They were declared dead on arrival. He was immediately rushed to the operation theater to check on his wounds. He thought about his father, he knew he never meant it. He could feel his eyes getting heavy with the anesthesia kicking in, as he went into the slumber a last thought kicked in - he wished the shot hadn't missed.

                                                                                 ***

"Is this a dream? What is this gun doing in my hand? Where did the blood come from? Where is my glass of scotch? "

With blood smeared all over his clothes, he sat on the bed. His thoughts were running haywire, he couldn't hold on to one single thought and then, the most prominent of the thoughts hits him- Did he just kill his wife and daughter? 

He realized it wasn’t a dream; it's the end of it. As the effect of alcohol started wearing away, his conscience got to him. He realized that there’s nothing he can do now to redeem himself. He can attain salvation only one way. 

He rested the gun at his temple, closed his eyes. The whole of evening rushed past him. He hoped his son was fine and...Before he could finish his thought, his conscience ridden index finger had pulled the trigger like a hangman waiting to get done with his guilt. As the piercing pain hit him, one last thought occurred to him - 

How he wished he had never shot!

                                                                                 ***

It was a faint noise, very serene. Though my knowledge of musical instruments is restricted, I could easily guess that it was a piano. The tune seemed somewhat familiar. A faint female voice, not very mature started crooning; there was melancholy in her voice.

~~There's a possibility~~

~~There's a possibility~~

~~All that I had was all I'm gon' get~~

It was a voice, whose eyes have seen a lot of distressing scenes. It was a voice, whose mind was in search of answers to her questions. It was a voice, whose heart saw a glimmer of hope at the end of the road. It was a little louder now, though still I couldn’t make out where it was coming from.

~~ There's a possibility~~

~~There's a possibility~~

~~All I gon' get is gon' be yours then~~

~~All I gon' get is gon' be yours still ~~

And then suddenly my eyes opened.

At first, the bright light pierced through my eyes blinding me as if someone just flashed in a bright torchlight right into my face. It took a while for me to get used to. I was sitting on a lone bench besides a blooming cherry blossom tree with their pristine white with a pink hue flowers in full bloom. In front of me was infinite stretch of grassland. The sun was shining bright; a pleasant breeze was ruffling the blossoming flowers infusing life into them there by finishing their resurgence from the torrid autumn. It was a total picture of serenity; I was about to close my eyes to soak in the glory of the nature and the song was getting lucid with every moment.

~~So tell me when you hear my heart stop ~~

~~You're the only one that knows ~~

~~Tell me when you hear my silence ~~

~~There's a possibility I wouldn't know~~

I heard a voice.

“Beautiful…Isn’t it? I love spring, everything’s so fresh!” She said, almost talking to herself while running the white hair band through her curly hair which accentuated her forehead. She had a poignant voice with little sadness in it, but had an amazing child like exuberant quality.

 “I used to love going to the school in the spring, everything’s so fresh. The sun shining bright, the birds chirping, the blooming flowers…”

Her recollection of school brought memories into my head as well. I used to hate getting up early for the school in the winters myself. It made me grumpy and the early morning maths class didn’t help the cause at all.

“It is beautiful indeed. Even, I love the spring.” I added in an indifferent tone to mask the enthusiasm the spring has brought in me, in front of a stranger.

“But do you know what the best part of the spring is?”

 Before I could think of something pleasant, she started answering her own question.

“It’s the early morning dew drops on the leaves, sliding through the leaves as though it was a bead of pearl let loose from the string holding it”

That’s pretty intense thought for a young teenager, I thought. Before she throws another question at me, I wanted to know who she was and what was she doing here? But, she caught me again before I could act.

“How did you reach here? Are you also a victim?”

~~By blood and by me, and I'll fall when you leave ~~

~~By blood and by me, I follow your lead~~

That’s when I asked the question to myself. In a state of memory paralysis, I just couldn’t remember how I got to this place. I tried hard to recollect what was I doing and where was I, but I just couldn’t remember anything.

“I don’t know. I just can’t seem to remember. How did you get here? Probably, that will help me recollect” I said, trying to get over the fact that I couldn’t remember how I have reached here.

“Even I can’t recollect. All I remember was darkness. I think it was a pillow held tight onto my face. I tried hard to scream, but I just couldn’t open my mouth. I wanted to kick him and escape to the safety of my parent’s room. I wanted to bite him, but the pillow just didn’t move from my face. I kept trying, but to no avail. Then suddenly everything went mute; I couldn’t hear anything except for my rapid heartbeats. I couldn’t hear my own agonizing cry for help. My eyes began to droop. That’s when she offered me her hand. I held it tight and then hand in hand we walk up into the pristine bright light.”

~~So tell me when you hear my heart stop ~~

~~You're the only one that knows ~~

~~Tell me when you hear my silence ~~

~~There's a possibility I wouldn't know~~

I felt a chill run through my spine. Her words took me back to the time, a range of images occurred to me. The chilling image of my father with his gun pointing towards my mother and sister, the image of my mother's eyes when she was breathing her last on my lap, the serene image of my sister face before I placed the last log on her cremation bed. The image of three pyres burning and how I wished to run into one of them and just get done with my life. 

How I wished that the bullet had hit its target that day.

~~ There's a possibility~~

~~There's a possibility~~

                                                                            ***

~~ There's a possibility~~

~~There's a ..........~~

His phone rang continuously, by the time he could gather his thoughts the ringing stopped. It must have been his wake up call from his girlfriend. He wondered where he heard the song before, that's when he realized his girlfriend had changed his ringtone. 

"This is the only way I can get you to listen to it" she said. 

He was about to call her back, when his dog sprung on his bed and handed him the newspaper, following the usual morning routine. As he was about to pat the dog, the girl's image on the front page caught his eye. She seemed so familiar to him, her image was so fresh. He felt a sense of déjà vu. The long hair, white hair band - Did he know her? Did he dream of her? What were they talking about? He just can't seem to recollect the details and that was when his eyes fell on the headlines.....

Girl found murdered in mysterious conditions at Noida home

TNN | May 17, 2008, 06.11 AM IST

In Noida, a class 9 student of Delhi Public School was found murdered at her sector 24 house in Noida late on Friday. The victim, Aarushi was found lying on her bed with multiple stab wounds on her abdomen and injuries apparently inflicted by a blunt object on her head and face. The domestic help of the family, who lived with them in the house, was reportedly missing since the murder came to light. Aarushi's parents, a doctor couple Rakesh and Niranjan Talwar - were at home when the incident took place.

The suspect, identified as Hemraj of Nepal, was engaged by the Talwars barely 8 months ago. Police later traced two close relatives of the suspect and detained them for interrogation.

Police refuted reports that she was sexually assaulted after the murder. "There is no comment in the post-mortem report on on this issue," clarified superintendent of police (SP) City Noida Dinesh Misra talking to TOI on phone. Asked if the doors of room.... 

                                                                              *---*

PS: Aarushi's story was long inside my head but never found a fitting form to be told. That's when a chance 'out of boredom read' led me to Kamal Sadanah's story. 

Two tragic stories had so much pathos in common. I believe, it was just waiting to be connected and then the beautifully sung with apt lyrics"Possibility" by Lykki Li seemed to be apt to bind them.