Statutory Warning:
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The subject in the piece of
literature below bears no resemblance to any living person; any resemblance is
a possible co-incidence. If you are a girl and you have me on your facebook
list it’s quite possible that you might creep out after reading the whole post,
un-friend me and get all judgmental about me, which is completely
understandable. To my defense I would say I was playing the part. Hoping you have the sense of humor to take it all in zest, if
not, I leave the choice to your empowered mouse click!
This one’s for the Bro’s !
This one’s for the Bro’s !
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Dear Barney,
I am a big fan of you. While I
do think that 'The Bro Code' is one of the most important piece of literature of the
21 st century for all the bros, it’s missing a critical Article on the use of
social media. So for the sake of all the Bro’s out there, could you live it up for us?
-A Desperate Bro!
Desperate Bro,
This is a great question that
seems to always comes up at one of my seminars. The Bro Code’s origins weave
all the way back to dawn of humanity and over the years awesome Bros have
amended and added awesomer rules. As the sole protector of the Bro Code, there
lies a huge responsibility to keep the Bro code relevant in the ever changing
times.
Hence, for the 69th amendment of the Bro Code I have
appointed reputed B-school interns (who by the way think are working for GNB)
on the project entitled :
“Understanding & Assessing the Mating Maturity Level of Females Based on
Their Social Media Behavioral Patterns”. As douchebaggish and un-legend-a-rrry
it sounds, the project shall give all the Bro’s a chance to be awesome and help
them find the right jugs *winkie wink* . But you know who’s more awesome than
the most awesome person on the earth. That’s right!! You can thank me when you
strike gold. Time for the all set to get laid Hi-Five!
This questionnaire is strictly
for the Zuckerberg slaves. (does anything else exist anyway?)
Click on her Profile Picture:
·
Is the profile picture?
Female celebrity: -50 Flowers: 0 Her Picture: 25
Male Celebrity: 100 Barney Stinson: 250
Male Celebrity: 100 Barney Stinson: 250
·
Is the profile picture open
for all?
No: 0 Yes:
100
·
How many profile pictures does
she have?
0-10: 0 11-50: 50 51-100: 100
·
The average likes she has on
her dp?
0-10: 0 11-50: 50 51-100: 100 >100: 250
·
How many display pics are self
shot? (through the laptop webcam or worse..from full length mirrors)
None: 0 Less than half: 50 More
than Half: 100
She gives an Angelina Joliesh pout in
the pics shot by her pink cased I-phone: 250
Read the comments on the
profile picture:
·
Does she refer to her male
friends as “Dear” and female friends as “Baby” in the comments?
No: 0 Yes:
100
Calls male friends “Baby” and female
one’s as “Dear”: 250
·
Does she thank each and
everyone who likes her pic?
No: 0 A collective "Thank you all" comment: 100
She tags and thanks the person each of them who liked the pic: 250
Cover Pics:
·
Whats the count of Cover pics?
< 5: 0 5-25: 50 25-50:100 >50: 250
·
Are the cover pic and profile
pic same?
No: 0 Yes: 100
· Does she have
intellectual\witty\sarcastic quotes as her cover pics?
Yes: 0 No:100
She has random pictures on quotes about loneliness/love/heartbreak/cute
animals: 250
Profile:
·
Does she have the “about me”
section filled up?
No: 0 Yes:
100
She has it filled with SMS lingo and concludes it
with “ull hv to b my frnd to knw mr abt me” : 250
·
How many pages does she like?
<50:0 50-100:100="" nbsp="" o:p="">
If she has pages like “Just because i dont talk to you anymore, doesnt mean that i dont l0ve you.”, “Please don't come one more time infront of me or I 'll Love u again” or “I Hate Loneliness But It Love ME More” (You get the drift right!) :250
Other Social Media:
·
What other social media
platforms she’s active on?
Orkut: Yes: -50 No:0
LinkedIn: Yes:0 No:50
Twitter: No:0 Yes:50
Now that you have calculated
the scores:
> 2300 : This should
be your girl. Until and unless she has a boyfriend or father serving in a
military do not leave the opportunity of dating her. She might just be your
“ Silver lining Playgirl” , the one you were always looking for!
2299-1500: That’s what I call the grey area. You can probably
convert these one’s if you give it your best “shot” or you could go to your
nearest specialized surgeon who could fix you up.
< 1500: Dude, this one’s a let go. I don’t see an opportunity for
you here, that is unless if you have a pet woodpecker who stays with you in
your bang-pad and feeds on your toosh-toosh!
Haha...loved it!!!
ReplyDeleteseems like someone spent a lot of time being Zuckerberg's doll ;)